Journal de time4achange, 05 août 08

*sigh* I have fallen off the wagon. The summertime seems to make it so hard to eat right. Always out and about. All the county fairs and all that delicious food EVERYWHERE.

Tommorrow will be 6 yrs to the day that I have been without my mom. I would hardly call that an excuse, but perhaps it makes me feel better to shovel food in my mouth. I am up 4 lbs, back up to 220. Though a 4 lb gain doesn't seem that substantial, it really is, especially when I think about how hard I worked to lose those 4lbs.

I need to get right back on induction, get my 2 wks in and feel better. I just sit here now, tears streaming down my face, feeling like a failure. Like this weight is never going to be gone.

Hard when sometimes I disgust myself. I don't understand how my husband finds me attractive. I have such a problem with food, especially late at night. I hide it from my husband, wait til he is asleep and then I sneak into the kitchen and sniff through the cupboards looking for anything. I don't even have to be hungry.

Atkins works so well for me, I just need to get back on track!!!