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I suppose admitting one has a problem is the first step in recovery. So here goes nothing. My name is Kristy and I am an addict. *gasp* "ADDICT?' u wonder aloud.. Yes addict. Not too any drug or alcohol but to Food. The worst addiction to suffer with, if I were addicted to heroin or meth and I really wanted to give it up and had the willpower to never touch it again, I could. I do not need any drug to survive. But I do need food.. no matter what, everyday I need sustenance. Everyday I am forced to shove my drug of choice into my mouth, no matter what.... I must keep eating.
I am your classic addict, I think about my drug constantly, always wondering what and when I will eat next, how much I will consume.. It really never ends. I eat when I am bored, depressed, happy, excited... u name it.
I came to the realization that I was an addict when I started to become embarrassed with my eating.. realizing I was eating too much or too often. So making sure to hide when I snacked, getting up in the middle of the night, sneaking out of bed trying to be quiet so as not to awaken my husband. I fooled no one.. he has caught me many times with my hand in the cookie jar, so to speak. Talk about awkward.
Never has there been a time in my life where I have not struggled with my weight. I recall my first diet at the age of 4. Sad isn't it? My mother was constantly taking me into the doctor, claiming I was overweight and the doctor was forever assuring her I was a normal and healthy weight. I recall being at a friend of the family's place, sitting down to breakfast. Everyone digging into bacon, eggs, pancakes.. all kinds of goodness and my mother sitting in front of me a piece of dry toast and a soft boiled egg. At 4 years old, I sat and watched everyone else enjoy their breakfast, while I felt like the fat little girl whose mother insists she be on a diet.
In the third grade at the age of 7, my mother still absolutely positive I was severely obese promised me that if I would just lose 10 lbs, she would take me to Disneyland. 10 lbs on a 7 yr old who isn't overweight to begin with.. quite a bit of weight.
The many fad diets and constant body judging only went on from there. In fact my brother was even well trained to use my mom's favorite line anytime I wanted a snack or god forbid, second helping of anything " Do you really think you neeeed that? "
After 19 years of constantly being told I was overweight and watching my family eat whatever they wanted with no regards to their health I lost my mother to diabetes.
Deep down I know her concerns over my weight were purely out of love, she did not want me to have the life she had, everyday being closer to death because the disease you have is slowly shutting down your body. But I just wish she would have gone about it in a different way, showing me how to eat healthy would have been a great start.
So now I am 26 years old and I look into my brand new daughter's eyes and I vow to do everything to make her life easier. For her not to suffer from debilitating body issues and food addiction. I hope to be a great role model and show my children how to be happy and healthy.
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