Journal de DAZEY_iz_Well, 28 févr. 24

Fred- dont get me wrong he definitely helped clean. Im also 11 weeks pregnant so it adds to stress and pressure. I also have a 10yr old with autism and hes been helping with housework for 5 years cuz i know it will take him every bit of the following 8 years to manage on his own "stop thinking and just do"  

Wisteria- my oldest was born when i was 20, im 31 now and he turns 11 in 1 month. i left my alcoholic, abusive father and fell from the pan into the raging fire of an sociopath narcissist, he was professionally diagnosed after a domestic violence charge when my child was under 1. I didn't want kids. I wanted to become a professional fighter, as i was actively in college and training in boxing and mixed martial arts. He turned my whole world upside down until i finally escaped for good when my son was 2. I had completely lost myself, but never regretted my son. With autism, he has his terribly difficult moments, but overall is fun-loving and goofy. I hated how i used to be, terrified of leaving the security of my apartment, unknowingly coping with the effects of complex ptsd and a lifetime of trauma. I understand your point of view; i wonder at times what life would have been like if i simply ignored my sons father, and didnt give him rides to work and fell into the trap of his charm. If my son never got diagnosed with Adhd, i would have went undiagnosed. If my son never got diagnosed with ptsd, i never would have know i had complex PTSD. 

To all others: thanks for the compassion, sympathy ond kind reminders. The day did get better, its not like this everyday. Its weird how the boys seems to be a lil more well behaved when dad is around but when im the only one at home everything i say seems to be a "challenge accepted" type of scenario with them. Lol 😂  

Oh boy, I'd me exhausted and insane after days l like that. Hang in there, I'm glad you had hubby to call.  

DAZEY, when my children were little, I sometimes found they were misbehaving because they wanted my attention. I'd drop whatever I was doing, sit down with them and read to them. It was something they loved us doing together, even long after they were old enough to read for themselves. And it always calmed them (and me) down.  

Wisteria, I have always believed that not all people are necessarily meant to be parents. And I also believe that every child born deserves to be wanted. Good for you for knowing what is best for you in that matter. I know that you are having a rough time right now, and I am holding you in my heart. 💚💜💛 

Yes, we spend lots of time together, we play, read, or just sit and talk. Theres time where i got to tell him "buddy i need a break, we can play later." He has a tablet that grampa got for each of the boys and he actually gets bored of it within a half hour, whereas brother is borderline obsessed with.  

shirfleur 1, I'll try that strategy with my little sometime soon. I've noticed now that I'm a lot more pain and now that there's three children rather than two that sometimes around 8:00 or 9:00 p.m. or dinner time that I'll sometimes snap at the children when they're all running around asking for my attention and I'm trying to finish dinner or chores. Before last year and all this started happening I would never snap at the children I mean ever. I've always had a very even temper but I'm in a lot more pain and the kidsare more mobile they all demand my attention constantly. Which is fine it's just that I never get a break and they have a hard time understanding that sometimes Mommy needs a moment for thinking. I've tried to explain this to them and their Dad that sometimes I just need a moment to myself. I sometimes even have trouble having bathroom breaks without somebody interrupting them. I've already recognized the problem , even the time, and the antecedents of the issue to avoid it. I have tried explain to them why I think that this is happening this and tried to make changes but so far I haven't stopped the problem entirely. But maybe if I was able to take a moment to stop what I was doing and read a small picture book (not Dad of course lol 🤣) that might help give them the attention they need so they can give me a few more minutes to finish that activities or dinner without me raising my voice or asking them to leave the room I don't want to be a person that makes them feel like they can't be around me at all times.