Journal de RubyRedSox, 02 mars 16

welcome back...Depression sucks....You are stronger than you think, look at what you do every day!! Getting up is a start.... 

I can't even imagine the pain and suffering you have and still are going through, my heart goes out to you. Wishing you all the best 💐 

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine the loss of a child. I certainly can understand how you say you feel. I'm not sure how one goes on after that. Be kind to yourself and take care.  

Welcome back, RubyRedSox! You were one of my first buddies on here. I did not know about your loss and I am so very sorry to hear this happened. I must not have been a very good buddy. I am glad you are here and this might be the first step towards your recovery from depression. You are loved. (((BIG HUGS!))) 

Big hugs, Ruby. I can't imagine your pain. Like Sandy said, you are loved. 

Thank you everyone! I've got a long journey ahead. I always do better when I log my food. The sun is shining here so that helps. Last test my A1C was 5.9 which is good control though higher than I want. My morning blood sugar readings run from 95-105. So my average blood sugar (according to my A1C) is about 125. Still just on 2x Metformin daily. Just got to get back in the swing of things again. ((Hugs)) back at cha! 

wow Ruby girl. It's been forever since we've talked. So sorry you are still struggling with the loss of your son. But it's not a loss you just set aside and move on from. I fell off the wagon when my Mom got sick again in early 2012, gained a lot of weight back, but now I'm finally dropping below where I last left off. Rooting for you to find the strength not just to improve your health but also go on with your life. How can we help? 

My heart goes out to you Ruby!! My business partner lost his oldest boy (12 at the time) five years ago to a freak accident..him and me were both the first ones there to try and save Chase. I know for my partner and his wife it is still a struggle, sometimes on a daily basis..Again my deepest sympathies, please take care and may God be with you and your family always!! 

Thank you Hermiones Mom &Steven Loyd. Funny how it's still hard to talk about. The whole thing is so surreal. I have seen so many families struggle with the same thing, loss of a child or serious family illnesses. My heart goes out to everyone who has to struggle through this. Right now, what helps me most is you all be here. Your support means the world to me. Thank you all! ((Hugs)) 

We are all here for you.  

I'm sorry you've had to experience something like that. We lost my brother back in 2003 and my mom really took it hard needless to say. It's been years and we still think about him. The grief won't go away, but it will eventually be easier to live with. That's what my mom says whenever I've asked. Hang in there. One thing that really helped my mom was having friends and people to spend time with that are understanding. She tried to become a recluse for a bit but we just kept pushing her back out there into the world and it really seemed to help.  

you never have to get over it... and you never will.. just work on getting by.. and hopefully it will get easier with time.. You always have a place to come to here.. no judgement ever.. sending you a huge hug  

Sorry about your son. I lost my oldest son last June and people are already telling me to get over it. We are here for you 

Welcome back!!!  

It is not natural for a parent to bury their child, and you won't ever get over it. But you can learn to live with it, and make yourself healthy. We'll help you. I'm so sorry you've suffered such a terrible loss. 

Ruby, losing a loved one is life's toughest thing to deal with. Losing your own son is pain only you can understand. I have lost both my parents, that I loved dearly. My sister committed suicide, and my two closest friends, a couple, died a few years from each other, leaving a younger son. The older we get, the more loved ones pass. I hope you can understand, that this is something in life, that is part of life, even though some are given a tougher road then others. I hope God gives you strength to cope with your loss. 

So true. As I get older, the more people I lose in my life. Parents, grands, cousins, friends, neighbors. It's all a part of life and I dealt with it well. But my son, not so much. I have accepted the fact that his passing will always affect me differently. It'll always be much more painful and disturbing. That's just the way it is. Thank you all for being here.  

I have two children. I could not imagine what I would do if I were to lose them. I would probably hate God for a while. I'd hate myself I'm sure. I know it would strain my closest relationships. But I also know that those pivot points in life, no matter how huge, are points along a journey that continues, even if your heart lingers on that moment for an extended stay. I'd like to think that eventually, I'd come to the conclusion that the hole in my heart will always be there, and that the life I live is a gift, and I should live my life in such a way, that those closest to me who's lives have been cut short, can live on in my actions, my thoughts, my feelings, and my aspirations. Live your life in light of theirs, so that they may continue to live through you. I'm so sorry and I know there is nothing anyone can say to truly help. For me, the best I could do is imagine those I've lost all hanging out in Heaven, chattin' it up, waiting for me to get there. My dad, my grandfather, Rich Mullins, my grandmother. Again, I'm so sorry, and I hope you find peace. 

Thank you RkTkFx. I'm working on the peace thing though I'm sure one day I'll find it. Meanwhile, needing some serious sunshine in my life. Been rainy here. I tend to feel better when it warms up. Again, thank you for your encouragement. 

So sad, it's almost 3 years of massive rut for me and I finally HAD to go to a doc to at least try to small me out of it. Hang in there.