~~HUMP DAY!!!~~
Hey all!! I hope you are all having a wonderful Wednesday!! I know that I am!!
I was talking with my husband earlier about weight loss and stuff and it got me thinking. So many people work so hard to lose weight, some get surgery, or go on crash diets, or whatever it is and then so many gain it all back. I realized what causes that, or what I think causes that. People do not face the addiction first, the food addiction. They cut out things, or cut calories and then binge eat because the addiction rears its head. Our demons keep us fat, keep us believing that we need a cupcake or need a soda or need to eat 3 plates of pasta. We dont need that. We need to be stronger than the demons, stronger than the addiction.
That is why I failed so many times. I never admitted that I was addicted to food. I was addicted to how eating made me feel, how food was always there for me when no one else was, how good it all tasted. I was and still am a food addict. I am learning to control those urges, learning to say no to things that before, I would have eaten immediately. I stood up to my demons and said "no more", they would no longer control me. I was in control.
We all need to get to a point where we are losing for ourselves, for our health, for our happiness, and until we get there, we will never be able to look in the eyes of the demons and tell it that we are done. We can fool ourselves and try, but until you pull out all the weeds, that plant will still grow. Whatever brought us to this place, to this addiction, has to be faced first.
What brought me here was I felt alone. My dad, who was my hero, had died, we moved in with my grandparents that didnt make it a secret that they werent too fond of me. My siblings were either way older than me, or way younger than me so all I had was me. I didnt know how to process grief, I was 6, so I ate. We always had junk food, ding dongs, twinkies, chips, all sorts of stuff. I ate and ate and ate. It made me feel better. I would hide outside and eat 3 or 4 twinkies at a time. I was 7 when I started cooking for the family. I made meals, but would eat while I cooked. I then ate at the table with the family. I had always been a big kid, I am 50% Norwegian, and we are big people but I got FAT. It was too late by the time my mom tried to step in, the addiction had taken hold of me. I was already lost. It took me until I was 35 to realize that I needed to make a serious change. I had tried, many times, but failed, because I was still eating junk and LOTS of it. I never stepped into the face of the addiction and said "Not anymore".
I have done that now, and am stronger than I ever thought I was. My sister sent me a side by side this morning, and I am amazed at how far I have come. Photo on the left was November-ish of last year, photo ont he right was yesterday. I will share it with you all, because you are my family too. Maxie, Kaysea, Patty, Momma, Peasy, John, Deadpool, Marsha, Michelle...and many many more, all of you, you have become my champions and my support and my family. Thank you for being my family. Thank you for loving and supporting me. Thank you for helping me back up when I stumble. Thank you for being you!!
