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Good morning FS friends
Woke up feeling better today. Likely a transient state of being, but as I look at my garden and the sow weed that persists, there is work to be done and it will soothe my soul digging that stuff out. I am so far behind and physical output will help with sleep. Don't want to take sleep aids forever, only to get through this hump. Victims services reached out (the police referred me). I will be talking to them today hopefully to get some coping strategies as John's last minutes were gruesome, his poor body baking in the son a disgrace, and clean up..let's just say that despite hours of powerwashing, when the right humidity and sun hits, blood still seeps up through the ashphalt. I'm struggling with flashbacks and the horror of it all and if they can direct me as to how to get rid of the infinite loop that plays in my head that will surely help.
Have to take my ancient cat Angus in for his arthritis shot this morning and my friend in the region has scored more casino comps so we'll be seeing the Clairvoyants. When John passed I called her to let her know what had happened, she had a vacation booked to Newfoundland the next day and God love her, was willing to cancel it. To what end though. Other than a physical presence for me, there would have been nothing gained by her missing out on that trip. As is she did touch base daily whilst away and that certainly helped me internalise that my world and circle, albeit small is still there. I admit though that I'm so glad she's back and will see her today.
Still no appetite but am certain it will return with time and healing. Past losses have resulted in binges so this is a first. I suppose 16 months of a disciplined approach to food intake and the food addiction course I took along the way may have forever changed how I use food as fuel as opposed to food as a coping mechanism. One can only hope that's the case.
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1405 kcal
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Gras: 40,00g | Prot: 71,42g | Glu: 189,31g.
Petit Déjeuner: Orgain Organic Protein Plant Based Protein Powder Creamy Chocolate Fudge, GNC Wheybolic Classic Vanilla. Déjeuner: Lactantia 18% Table Cream, Gatorade G2 Perform 02 - Grape (20 oz). Dîner: Sour Cream, Bacon (Cured, Pan-Fried, Cooked), Cheemo Potato and Cheddar Cheese Perogies. Snacks/Autre: Strawberries. plus...
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