Journal de suechru

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15 février 2011

Ugh, I was afraid of this. Back I go to logging everything, I've gotten way too lazy the last month or so and being unemployed is a way I gained a big pile of weight in the first place.

Ugh.

Poids:	Perdu jusqu'à présent:	Reste à parcourir:	Régime suivi:
108,3 kg	15,1 kg	33,5 kg	Mal

(4 commentaires) Prenant 0,6 kg par Semaine

14 février 2011

Happy Valentine's Day, buddies!

I had a good weekend - mostly spent it sleeping and playing the Sims 2. I know that sounds weird but it really clears my mind out to marathon game once in a while. It's kind of a mental reset for me because if I get so involved in something I forget everything that's bothering me and when I go back to the world I'm refreshed.

This morning, I found the best valentine I could've hoped for - the 3 weeks of unemployment I was due! For those keeping track, my last day at my job was Jan 14th and I filed that day but had to go through a whole thing before my claim was approved. For some reason the first two weeks were sent to me on a pre-paid debit card and the third was direct deposited like I asked. Once I figured that out, I went to the bank this morning to move the two weeks from the debit card to my checking account. My tax refund (both federal and state) came in the last week or so, so I'm not flat broke anymore which is a huge relief.

I'm not going to go buy anything really with the refund money. I used one part of it to pay for my health insurance (and I'm now covered until September! Yay!) but beyond that, I'm going to sock some away for rainy days/summer classes. So far, my savings has held up - I had to borrow from it for the rent/health insurance but now that I got those checks this morning I was able to put it back into the various accounts - general savings and tuition fund. (I have to have separate accounts otherwise I'll never have the right amount.)

Anyway, so with that all squared away I'm in a great mood today - even if it's Valentine's Day and I'm single. I mean, sure it'd be nice to have the right guy in my life but as I constantly remind myself that just because someone's in a relationship/married doesn't mean it's a good or right one. I'm single because I'm waiting for the right person, I'm waiting for love. If I really really wanted to be married, I'm sure I could find someone but I don't want to be married to JUST be married (or to have a wedding.) Even unemployed, I can financially support myself, this isn't like 1940 where young women HAD to get married to have any kind of independent life.

Okay, time to send out some job applications and then do some studying before class tonight. Might try to squeeze in a walk since it seems that my favorite walking trail might finally be clear of snow (I can see ground in a lot of places when I look out the window)

Affirmations for today:
1) Being alone doesn't necessarily mean being lonely

2) It's better to wait for what's right instead of settle for what's there

3) The quickest path between two points isn't always a straight line

4) Change your thoughts, change your habits, change your mind, change your body, change your life.

(4 commentaires)

10 février 2011

Today proved that I do much better when I have something (or even a lot) to do. Went to a job fair in the late morning then class, then a meeting then another class. I spent about 3 hours driving all over the place but felt a ton better.

Well, except for not eating lunch. I really didn't intent to skip lunch, but I got out of the job fair late and was running late for school so I didn't eat until like 4 pm and I was almost worried I was going to pass out. Wasn't deliberate, I swear but I was literally going all day. Ran into the same problem on the way to my evening class where I didn't have time for dinner so I came out of class starving. I probably shouldn't have had fries but I knew I was so low on calories for the day that it probably didn't matter to have a small fries.

I did get some new leads today so things are looking a little more promising on the job front. I'm going on a company visit with the MBA program I'm in tomorrow so I'm going to have to be out the door by 7 (it's currently 10:30 and I JUST got home.) Maybe that'll lead to something.

Okay, I absolutely have to go sleep soon before I drop. Might as well put out some affirmations

Affirmations for today:
1) Just because one day is bad doesn't mean the next one will be.

2) Every day I'm building a better life for myself

(3 commentaires)

09 février 2011

Still here, just having a hard time with the work stuff. The internship at my former company which I was pretty much guaranteed an interview for was cancelled. I haven't heard back yet on the other internships I interviewed for - and one of which I would've heard if I made it to the next round.

I just have a really hard time with unemployment. I need the structure of having a place to go and be every day - I've been in the same pajamas since Monday night. It doesn't even feel worth it to change when I'm broke (as my unemployment check still hasn't come) and I have nowhere I actually have to be.

Just ate an entire pint of ice cream. Yeah, I don't even. I just feel so ridiculously alone these days and that everything keeps being taken away from me no matter what I do. I can't seem to make headway in the dating world, I've been unemployed off and on since 2009. I loved my job, I want to go back, I want to be someone again. I can't deal with large stretches on inactivity.

I have class only two days a week right now - Monday nights and then Thursday afternoon and evening. I do well these days but the rest of the time... I know I should get up and do something the other days but it's like I can't get moving. It's like there's no point on those days.

(5 commentaires)

07 février 2011

So, just to prove that I AM back, here's a second journal entry ;)

Actually, I just got home from class and I turned on the tv to find Heavy on so I'm sitting here fascinated and trying to decide if I like this show or not. This is the first time I've seen this show so part of me is kind of outraged that they have people who've done probably no exercise working out as hard as they do to start off with as in my opinion that teaches people that exercise hurts and doesn't give the message that exercise can be both fun AND doable (which I think a lot of people need, particularly when you're first starting out.) On the other hand, they seem to address the food addiction part and actually have the participants seeing a therapist to deal with the underlying issues and I really like that fact.

As most of my buddies know - it's usually not ALL about the food. If you're twenty pounds overweight, sure maybe it's food. But once you get to severely overweight/obese there's mental stuff with it too that NEEDS to be addressed - which is why my mantra always begins with Change your thoughts and doesn't get to "Change your body" until the end.

I really wish more of these shows taught people to love exercise - that's the thing I guess I have the biggest issue with after five minutes of walking. I felt fabulous after that walk I took today - I didn't push myself that hard and deliberately kept it slow since I'm a little out of shape after the month or so stuck inside and I have to admit that I'd actually forgotten how much I enjoyed it. If I went out full steam and pushed myself too hard, I don't know if I'd want to go tomorrow and right now I can't WAIT to go tomorrow (please don't snow, please don't snow.)

Has anyone been watching this show? I'd love to know what my buddies think on this.

Anyway, I'm glad to be back. I'm excited to have something positive to focus on between this and school. I will get to that 50lb goal soon.

Affirmations for today:
1) There's no timeline something has to happen in. Sometimes you have to just enjoy the journey and watch it unfold.

2) I'm strong enough to get through whatever life throws at me

3) Change your thoughts, change your habits, change your mind, change your body, change your life.

(5 commentaires)

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